Monday, January 9, 2012

spewing words with incorrect copyediting

"The more you know, the more you know you don't know and the more you know that you don't know." - David Byrne

what's been coming out on display for myself to see lately: how easily frustrated and upset i can become. since my weekend is sunday and monday, miss lazybutt decided to have 30 minute intervals of sleep on each side from about 9am till noon - reached for my phone on the bedside table, to realize it had rather apparently crapped out completely. so, you know, after having had the phone crap out up north early last summer, the one i shared on a family plan with my mother for a couple months, to then get this one on my own, metro pcs... and have it go out. see, when bad things happen in 2's or 3's for me - basically if it repeats itself again, i go apeshit.
i tried not to go apeshit. but inadvertently so, i gave chris hell. it wasn't directed at him whatsoever, i was just going off about my shit luck. basically, you'd never want to see me hit bankrupt on 'wheel of fortune.' so he seemed to tense up significantly. luckily in my attempts to talk out the situation, he admitted to sometimes feeling like he has to tiptoe on eggshells around me. a morose feeling swept over me in silence. but... i can't help it. he can't help it. we're both individuals with high levels of anxiety. everything has been pretty smooth lately, until this afternoon.
after the grocery store had stressed me out some more, while making grilled cheese and soup on the gas stove, i accidentally lit the handle of the pan on fire because this idiot was attempting to do three things at once and got REALLY mad at herself for it after everything was put out and okay, to where i was just frozen in a trance, standing there. chris came over and stood next to me and gave me a hug. i try to press my forehead into his chest as best i can, because my brain always hurts so much.
i also have a weird cysty tumor thing a little bit below my armpit (which is what I had assumed to be a spider bite a couple months ago, has been ruled out) looking up a million things online about it and trying to do whatever i can (including taking vitamin e and popping the liquid gel caps to put some on the area) if it's breast cancer, well let's just say at this point after every fucking thing that's happened, i just shouldn't be surprised, right? if i sound pissed, i'm really not. it might be true, i might not be able to feel anything anymore. i'll let you know when i do.

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