Freaky Friday

It's really strange to warp back to your birthplace in your dream, replaying memories that had happened before - but 'reliving' them as my present age. I was in LaPorte, Indiana in my dream in the last hour of my slumber, and for some dumbass reason I got tattoos at some (non-existent) shop there on both wrists (both having to do with horoscopes - one arm had what house a certain sign or planet or whatever mumbo jumbo that is [i dont delve that deep] the other had a ridiculous butterfly with virgo in cursive underneath it)
and it could have been brought about by the conversation cora, calder, and i had the other night about free candy on the ground - the fourth of july parades that the town of laporte held (and still presumably holds) when i was little threw candy from firetrucks, police cars, and floats - kind of like the best thing that can happen to you when you're little. These replayed in my dream, only I was older, but still having a blast. Awakening today was really confusing though, I actually felt like I was back in Indiana... and I guess it was a bit of a bumout to find myself back in Mass.

Other than that, real life is really calm right now. As all my buddies that work at Local Burger called after me yesterday when it was time for me to go (the owners father and I have catch up conversations & he'll give me a burg sometimes) "Don't stress out!"

But if I decide to get my own place in the next couple months, well I just may have to stress out so I can EVENTUALLY relax by myself, and have my closest friends over for fun and food all the time. :D

BULLDOZE.

HOROSCOPE THIS WEEK:

VIRGO: THIS WOULD BE A GOOD WEEK FOR YOU TO ASSEMBLE A BIG PILE OF OLD TV'S YOU BOUGHT FOR FIVE DOLLARS APIECE AT A THRIFT STORE AND RUN THEM OVER WITH A BULLDOZER. IT WOULD ALSO BE A FAVORABLE TIME TO START A BLAZING FIRE IN A FIREPLACE AND THROW IN ALL THE OLD PHOTOS OF ALL THE SUPPOSEDLY ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE YOU USED TO BE INFATUATED WITH EVEN THOUGH YOU NOW REALIZE THAT THEY WERE UNWORTHY OF YOUR smart love.
IN OTHER WORDS VIRGO,
IT IS A PERFECT MOMENT TO DESTROY SYMBOLS OF THINGS THAT HAVE DRAINED YOUR ENERGY AND HELD YOU BACK. THERE'S AN EXCELLENT CHANCE THIS WILL PROVIDE A JOLT OF DELIVERANCE THAT WILL PROVIDE FURTHER liberations IN THE COMING WEEKS.

DIDDY WAH

Yesterday, two little three year old kids, Amara and Danny, randomly ran up to me in town when I was sitting on the curb with a friend. The little girl, Amara, was leaning into my shoulder and telling me about what she was going to do later, and then I hid behind a tree and pretended to chase Danny - to which we both ended up roaring like dinosaurs. Going back to Amara, I watched as Danny then hid behind the same tree when some teenage girls were walking by - they noticed him and were giggling, he eventually ran out and roared as they crossed the street. Their parents just watched, laughed, and thanked me for 'watching' them, because they were so heavy in discussion amongst themselves. Two dogs were all about me as well. I got to watch one of them jump through hoops for cheese.

Ghostface Killah-Cat is sitting in my lap right now as I'm typing.

SOME FUN THINGS TO LISTEN TO:





& a little bit o' Björk:

Feelings, wo-oa-oah feelings...

Initiate the dream sequence...

So the night after talking to a 'therapist' (not sure certifiably so, but she talked to me for an evaluation at a clinic) and going to sleep finally for about three hours or less, I dreamt, with one hand, I picked up a huge, cracked Liberty bell, semi-effortlessly carried it (one handed) up some very steep steps (all sides of this four sided architectural whatever the hell it was had steps - just a flat platform at the top) and I put the bell right smack dab in the middle of the platform. Suddenly this celebration seemed to erupt, confetti and shouting - that I didn't pay any attention to, I just slowly began to descend the stairs again. AS I descended however, a blanket of snakes slowly slithered over me - and it didn't disturb me at all, it was almost as if they were protecting me?

Last night, sober night numero dos, after doing hilarious Mad Libs and watching Persepolis with Joe and Alisa, while struggling to get to myself to sleep, I dreamt I moved to some house sequestered away on a hill by itself (in a kind of San Diego climate but located in Pittsburgh) really super hip/modern/swank pad, but right below it down the hill was this very SERIOUS looking building - in my dream I joked that it looked like a giant boombox - only with NO windows, just vents. It was like a scarier version of the White House. We had to avoid it because you could just feel the super secret CIA vibes being emitted from it... and somethin was GOIN' DOWN. Then after only being there for two days, I moved to a completely tropical environment, which I don't recall much about - to then again be transported to a pissy old ladies house that was stuck in the 1920's - and I was rummaging through all of her stuff, which when I woke up, I missed the cool games for the computer where you used to be able to go through rooms (like mystery games) and search for clues through random knacknacks and whatchamacallits. Myst was cool, so was a certain Titanic game I had.

ANYWAYS, what a bunch of gobblety-gook.


I'm going to leave this with quotes from the crazy man in Dunkin Donuts in Hadley yesterday morning, when Jackie and I got coffee before work:
"I'M GOD! WOMEN ARE GREAT. THEY HAVE FEELINGS." (Then starts singing Feelings.)

son of a beesting.

Don't take things so personally.

But honestly, people who treat you differently when you come out with something serious - like they can't be bothered by you / automatically passing judgment and thinking they're going to 'have to take care of you...'

Enough with these declarations of insanity just to use as cop outs; I declared my problem, and all I wanted was to be a mere microcosm of a thought in your brain.

The men with the characteristics I desire most always overthink me because of how I act. Well, I'm hoping I'll tune things up by not drinking anymore, and seriously if guys are going to ignore me until I 'shape up' - it just goes back to being the fat girl in school who no one bothered with until she 'shaped up.' I'm sick of people and their pompous holier than thou attitudes and how I've let them get to me so much - I've let everyone beat me up for the longest time, because I took it personally.


As Kozak told me last night, "Time for you to embrace your inner dick."


Here I am, assholes.

beeeeoooowwwpppp....

A million factors add up to a day of incredible confusion about everything.

Why do I even bother trying to figure anything out?

Welp, I guess I'm shutting down right before the government shuts down.

Planning and Infrastructure.

What I'm currently focusing on lately: really close discussions with individuals.

Phone conversations are not dead, and neither is person to person in public.

Get away from the 'net for a while. It helps clear your head, and fill it with ACTUAL experiences, but... I'll stop there so I don't sound like such a nagglepuss. (I saw a sign on someone's lawn that said 'Pussywillows' the other day. teehee.)

I flabbergasted my co-worker Jackie in our hour long discussion on the way home tonight/sitting in her car idly next to my apartment; she said she wants to help pay for my PhD. Going back will happen... hopefully sooner than later.

Mucho Mango

Yesterday was long, non-stop social:

- Got caught up/coffee with lil miss Jackie, whom apparently is seeing someone who has been on Jeopardy. Sat on my used-to-be favorite stoop and apparently when I was zoning out, Jackie said some guy walking by was dreamily gazing upon me, to which she said, "You two should go to Paris."
- Walking back to my complex, I smelled a BBQ wafting in the air. When I was outside on my deck, I looked down to see a bunch of people from my complex having a cookout. They invited me down, and it was actually a group of individuals from Turkey, and they fed me a wrap of beef, veggies, lamb, and seasonings... and a Magic Hat to wash it down. They were fun to talk to, and apparently do little get togethers on occasion and told me I could join. There's moments when being the awkward white girl is absolutely okay. (And was what happened down in Disney when I'd hang out/work with my international friends.)
- Go to hang out with my lovebirds/loviedovies all the time, Cora and Kozak. Saw their wonderful photos of their set from Dr. Sketchys on Friday, went to Soora for the best spread of Japanese eats in a good while, went back - Cora and I were rocking out on guitar and piano, to which we already have our first song for our new band. Kozak let me borrow a little Casio keyboard which has been difficult to put down.
- Went out to dance not expecting much but was surprisingly good times about an hour in, was having great times with Wayne and Aaron - and a bunch of us hung outside talking and jamming on my keyboard until I went home and craaaashed.

While I was bummed Friday night for having my shift canceled yesterday, I definitely made up for it in good times. All we all ever want is good times.


Alisa has an absolutely remarkable painting/print of a Gustav Klimt painting right behind this laptop and I CAN'T STOP STARING.

8 1/2 - Fellini

saw this movie last sunday on the big screen.
it's kind of all i can think about now.

From the Forbes Library Darth Vader Reference Room.

60 minutes on a library computer! What a novelty!
I've rediscovered Luddite life. It ain't so bad.
Began an actual physical journal. This may be a fine step.

System Malfunction

Sorry. My computer's dead. I think I cursed myself by posting X-Men's Rogue the other day and then being hit with rogue viruses. Hopefully it will be fixed soon, but until then I'm finding ways to entertain myself without it. I do however Twitter, so ... http://twitter.com/marionettesque


until then, adieu!

Going Rogue.

What sets us apart from them?



We're not scared of dying.

After a week of work.

Dear Prudence, even with feeling kinda sick, went out to play tonight. She discussed important interracial problems with a friend (the white rich person being the problem), watched and sung along with people belting their hearts out to 'You Oughta Know' and 'Eye of the Tiger,' made a couple new acquaintances, and danced to some ridiculous top forties (seriously why is it 40's and not some other number?) music, only to end the night singing and dancing to Frank Sinatra.
Stared up at the stars on the way home.
Goodnight.

love in the fast lane

Had the most vivid 1960's dream with you in it last night, because you still haunt my dreams.

You came over, and I pinned you to the floor and asked you if you hated me. You said no, that you never could, that you'd always be there for me as long as I was there for you, and I said yes. We watched a movie, cuddled and kissed.
Unfortunately, you were also on the run from the cops. At a party we were both attending, I was worried because I hadn't seen you in a bit. Cops busted in, I grabbed my shoes, hurriedly and stealthily got them on my feet, and went looking for you. I found you, you looked so scared, we hugged each other close, and then went running. We got as far as another's house, thought we were safe for a while. I tried to calm you down by stroking your long locks, but you were frazzled beyond belief. Cops busted in again. We got separated. You were dealing with a pig and you told me to run. I just kept running into the dark cold void of the mountainous outdoors. I didn't feel right running without you. Last thing I can remember in my dream - you had somehow made it up into the mountains. But you were upset wondering where I was, and I - the same, in regards to you.

Randoms: You had ran away from your dad. I found his last name in a phonebook and called it up, and the voicemail of your father was that of a thick southern accent. You told me you wanted nothing to do with him.

You also had scrawled a certain charles mansonish symbol onto the wall in your house, and then built a version of it out of wood and hung it up.

it was one intense dream. even though we never see nor speak to each other, i'm glad i know you to have had it. was blockbuster worthy. of course it made me think/i probably still care about you. i guess i always will.

tennessee tuxedos & tentative thoughts.

Stressors are floating around me... Here, there, everywhere I look, a stress.


So until I'm able to manage a paragraph or two, you're stuck with a picture of cutie penguins.





Well, and, Ms. Chase could speak on behalf of me a bit: