songs unearthed from my past

They're here.

Watched that terrible Piranha 3-D movie with my mom tonight; disgustingly awful it was. Oh boy, skank and doofus beach party with mindless trance music gets busted by a bunch of bloody hungry CGI piranhas in which they dilacerate hoards of human bodies that really served no more of a purpose than to drunkenly talk about the size of each others boobs and dongs. Poor fake piranhas.
It did get me all interested in reading up on them though... one of their predators is, oddly enough, dolphins? And the species that is most meat maniacal is the red-bellied, which is primarily found in the Amazon River. They're the ones with the man-eating myth attached to them, but they really don't want anything to do with us:



In reality they're like the vultures of the sea. Give them some dead rotten meat and they'll have a tea party. (Reminds me of when I was little: going under water with a circle of friends, legs pretzeled, pretending one hand was a saucer, the other was the teacup...) ANYWAYS...

Now I want to see the 1978 version of Piranha.

Burgers and Bullshit.

A comment to THIS article:



"It seems that House Republicans want to return America to the days of Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle," when slaughterhouses were defined by unsafe working conditions, child labor and an utter absence of regulation. Given the frightening increase over the past decade in cases of e coli contamination, it is hard to imagine how even Republicans can justify deliberately endangering the safety of America's food supply.

Where exactly will America's wealthiest 0.1% get their food from?

Surely they don't all plan to hunt and slaughter the meat themselves."



My own take on this:
While both parties could be the culprits in this case, freakishly enough, Republicans make such a ruckus about being pro-life. So, they want the already overpopulated world to be even MORESO, to justifiably do what? Have sick, enslaved individuals? It's like they're out for human blood. It's like that Halloween episode of The Simpsons where they're grinding up the children into burgers. What the heck is going on? The 0.1% are proclaiming the rest of us have had it 'too easy' and should be treated even more harshly - like the cattle and poultry this nation is fed? I'm getting wearier by the minute with what I put into my body; I can't even take ibuprofen anymore for it's anti-inflammatory properties for my leg because it gives me horrible stomach pain, too afraid that if I keep at it, I'll burn a hole through my stomach. We are already so diseased... and will be very lucky to see how long our lifespans are thanks to big government pumping every younger generation fuller and fuller of absolute bullshit. (And stressing us out to where we pump ourselves full of even MORE toxins we SHOULDN'T be touching.) Honestly if I could reach out to my brothers and my sisters right now, the thing I want to express the most: please, please, please, limit your alcoholic and nicotine intakes. Please stop going crazy and binging on these things. Stop ANY sort of binging. Take care of yourselves. Live to give that 0.1% hell. Alright? Thank you.

doodle-time

drew this (without a blasted eraser) for miss haley morgan's birthday!

yes yes yes!

1. dream sequence last night into this morning: someone stalking me outside my house, woke up nerve-wracked, back to sleep to then dream myself into (a much younger) woody allen movie (in bed with him...) woke up again weirded out, then back to sleep to only conjure up a dream sequence of me shopping for random salad ingredients.


2. Watching a really silly Buster Keaton movie today, 'College,' a silent film made in 1926.

3. Ortho appointment scheduled for Monday (die evil battalion of ganglion cysts! Steve: "It's like you have gargoyles in your leg.") and was blessed with bountiful birthday wishes today in every form imaginable! gimp swimming to the tune of andrew bird, dinner out, ICE CREAM (!) The Notebook on the tele (even though that gets me all .... oh, you know.)

Twas a most satisfying birthday... although I am terribly missing Autumn... guess I'll have to do without it for now.

so blind them with kindness

40 minutes.

okay, so TECHNICALLY it's not my birthday until approximately 8:04am in the morning, but doesn't everyone get the pre-birthday jitters with the whole clock striking twelve thing?

so, this is... my first soberly alone birthday in... seven years. I'm sitting here silently, watching Breaking Bad. While I'd normally gather up friends to celebrate... they're all... approximately 1,303 miles away, although of the couple new ones I have down here, yesterday I was treated to sushi and st. pete explorations after my 'magical rainbow imaging' - which brings me to what I really want on my birthday.

1. Results from my MRI - conclusive fucking evidence of what has plagued me for over two years. it's getting progressively uglier and more intolerable every friggin minute, and the giant machine that swallowed my leg and made extremely loud ERRRERRRERRRRRRERRR noises for twenty minutes (while producing a very odd tingly feeling in my leg) better show me what the hell is wrong, or I'm writing a letter to GE questioning their engineering (...I jest.)

EDIT: 12:30pm Results have been confirmed, I have a ganglion cyst in my knee, which is a tumor that will... obviously need to be removed surgically. How I trooped this out for two years now baffles the shit out of me. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger I guess.

2. A real, strong lead on a job. Preferably, a second interview with the Animal Hospital for the Veterinary Receptionist position. Or really, anything. Responses in the form of e-mails or phone calls, smoke signals, telepathic messages... but really, something I will be able to throw myself into asap, and if the results from #1 are not so great, something immobile - desk job of sorts: receptionist, secretary, even call centers. Gotta do what I can for the moment. I've been doing callbacks and everything I can fathom for the time being, I just need someone to a) take me on b) take me seriously... because dammit, I've been serious. Serious to the point where as much as I think I miss sedative endeavors, I'm happier thinking of myself as the total control freak that X's them all out because I need to know what's going on up there at all times. Can't have my own mind tricking me anymore.

3. All I really want gift-wise is hearing from friends and family... even estranged ones that, for some reason or other at some point, got completely disconnected. Presumably, for something stupid that I did. (Not all of course, some could just be distance related, but let's stay on topic about the stupidity...) Old me had a really difficult time owning up to her own dumbass actions, and losing these people ... was the unfortunate end result. My stubborn ass refused to see the wrong it had caused in the past. I'm no saint, and if I ever stupidly painted myself as one, well... you probably deciphered the underlying truth in any idiotic statement or justification 'old me' made. I really miss a lot of people I can't seem to get through to anymore... but I was blind to the hurt I may have caused others. While I don't know how to necessarily fix them (I am no 'My Name is Earl') If I could just get a 'hello' out of some of these people... I would like to start back from the beginning. I mean, I'm super faraway now in crazy Scientologist Clearwater-ville (which until a few days ago didn't know is pretty much their main hub for hubbard) ... I can't just have a little bit of correspondence with people I care about? I do worry about everyone becoming more robotic, and giving up on writing notes to people THEY care about. C'mon people, the postal service is going under for chrissake. Least we could do is send more [post]cards or just plain ol' pieces of lined paper with any sort of scribble one can elicit.
EDIT: I really shouldn't completely blame me for it all, some of these people could use to grow up, along with myself.

4. Ice Cream. This is self explanatory.

5. I decided to list this one, even though I already got it a couple hours ago. While the health insurance that was instated by my fathers company is only supposed to cover me till I'm 26, I worried it would run out tomorrow and I wouldn't be able to progress with the already many steps I've taken to heal my leg. The very cordial Cigna lady told me on the phone tonight that I am covered until the end of the month. I told her that was the best birthday present ever, and she wished me a happy one. After hanging up, I exclaimed 'HALLELUJAH!' out loud. My anxiety over getting this settled in the remainder of this month is still present, but my present to myself today: forgetting anxiety for one day, and attempting to just really enjoy... life.

It's midnight. Hooray.

is it Friday yet?

listening to beirut after an incredibly full day of walking through clearwater, braving florida's mass transit, experiencing, interviewing, and getting to know what will hopefully be my next job venture while applying in person to other places and [after I walked my mile home] online, had a wonderful dinner [like every night so far] with my mother, steve, and simba, who are now my closest most wonderful friends.

turning 26 in three days. first low-key birthday in a while. it's good enough for me.

Nay those naysayers,

for Weird Al is truly a genius.
(and IMO, cooler than Bob Dylan. YUP.)

Danny and Annie

so, so, so beautiful.

You can see the universe in their eyes.

This generation got no destination to hold

pick up the cry.

living in a loveless labyrinth.

Hey America, look how 'super posi' our twenty-something generation is... or at least, our attempts to be.


KD: all i wish at this point is that I could find the love of my life, move in together, pool all the money we make together, even if it is just menial jobs, whatever we can manage... and live equally and happily.

MJ: good luck. I'm never gonna have that. I give up.

KD: Give up what?

MJ: looking for that. looking for a partner. I don't even assume it anymore.
I don't look at someone I'm dating at all in terms of a lifelong relationship. I'm just with someone until I'm not.

KD: I try to remain confident that it's out there. I don't agree with our generation and it's 'this person this day' and 'that person the next.' I need to know there is still old-fashioned trust, love, and admiration.

MJ: I wish you best of luck.

KD: I hope you find something wonderful as well. Maybe it's just not meant to happen yet?

MJ: When then?

KD: I know... I know...

@#$*#^&@($&@#($&!@^#*(^%$

I am so tired of everyone being fucked over by the system.
I am so tired of people fucking over other people.
I am so tired of the COMPLETE INCOMPETENCE OF THE HEALTHCARE SYSTEM and the INSURANCE COMPANIES who can't fucking COMMUNICATE with each other PROPERLY so it DOESN'T GO THROUGH and -------------

edit: 10:13pm. Talked to a nice Cigna customer service employee, understand a bit more, but this is all still so baffling. Bit more calm now.....


(they still want us gone though. this i know.)

Unlock the box your heart's encased...

Now that I'm heavily invested in the process of detoxifying myself [having basically ousted everything toxic from intake - currently just taking vitamins, Turmeric Curcumin, and Ibuprofen while getting a decent diet of fruits, veggies, and protein] I feel guilty after drinking four non-caffeinated cans of diet soda... which I plead guilty as charged of this evening, after telling myself not to. Now my stomach hurts.
Finally feeling true clarity again. It's... astounding, and not easily put into words. Ever so slowly getting the itch to write again... it came out tonight in the form of tweeting jokes about the GOP debate, but nevertheless, it was omnipresent. That general intoxicating feeling that I get through quirk - the melange of words bounding through my head again. My poor head... which was becoming more damaged with every drop, butt, and bic. Unfathomable, the personal hell I was entrapped inside. Everything was 'drone on the past, no, how can I think about the future when this and that and ---' CUT THE CORD. Cut the shit. Extricate, alleviate.
The anxiety is still existent, but it's slowly diminishing, and making way for leaps and bounds, chutes and ladders. At the moment, I am happy to report that a calm collective aura has washed over by mind, soul, and body, and for the first time, I will say with honest deliverance, Thank God.