sick of always hearing act your age

Methinks a ninja beat me up in my sleep, for I awoke with a fat lip and a sore bump on my forehead. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? I don't... get it.

I am way too excited for this dumb ace bandage to come off so I can use my NEW LEG! Yes boys and girls, I actually got a new prosthetic leg installed, properly fitted to suit a GIANT RIFLE! PA-CHOW. Naw. Just my same boring leg sans cysts. But it still hurts, and apparently I need to check my temperature; if I have a fever I might have an INFECTION.

But I cannnnnnnnnot wait to use my leg free of pain again! I will jump up and down in jovial glee! I will catapult into the air without a care! I WILL RUN FARTHER THAN FORREST GUMP, and squeal in jubilant victory that I didn't end up like Lieutenant Dan! THE WORLD IS MY BURRITO! AHAH-HAH, AH-HAHHAH..... ah.

I can already feel my mood improving! Sucks how physical problems affect you mentally... my mind and mood was imprisoned for two years. Now I can get the jobs, make the bucks, get my own place, live my life, get on with the show... and once everything gets settled, I can pay back the people who I care for the most. Not by buying them useless shit, more like take them out and have MEEEAAAAGICAL MOMENTS. Speaking of which, I really need to geek out soon and go to the Harry Potter themepark. And the DALI MUSEUM!


In lieu of today's discovery, I would like to proudly present:

vicodin makes me feel very warm..

also, crutches are pesky.

listening to lots of tunes and sippin' 7-Up.

I'M IN A GLASS CASE OF EMOTION!

I am barely hanging in there. After a solid month of dealing with hospitals, doctors, $$$, insurance, phone calls, stupidity, frustration and blahdeeblahblah – all of this quite soberly with the end result of surgery tomorrow at 5am, my brain wants to explode but I'm trying to gently sweet talk it by serenading it softly with 'it'll all be okay soon.' Rather unfortunately, my mom has been extra testy about the whole ordeal, which I can understand her frustration (as it coincides with mine – and when any two frustrations collide they can headbutt each other...) but it doesn't, nor hasn't made this entire debacle any easier; everything has been turning into an argument when really, neither person is at fault, it's this failed system of 'ring around the rosey' healthcare that is tying our horns together.
While I've been busting ass already at a new job which involves waking up at 5:15 to catch two buses from 6am-7am, let's take today into account: after working 7:30am to 2:45pm straight with no breaks (I don't smoke anymore, so no excuse for any when you're working in a kitchen...) I walked a mile to the ortho for a pre-appointment, then a mile to the bus stop in 95 degrees of murderous heat, sweating like a gypsy.
I have tried my damndest to not show how tired, exhausted, and confused I have felt... and does it put me a little on edge? You betcha. But then the broken record gets stuck into a 'this is all your responsibility' loop … in terms of everything dealing with the leg, which I know, and have been trying to take care of everything, all the millions things my boggled head must remember to do, but doctors and secretaries (and the allotted ridiculous 8am to 4:30pm time slot to speak with them, proving difficult in these days of non-stop movement) make it all into a horrid ring-around of a circus.
And guess what? Even then, on the phone, and in person, they FAIL to tell you important little tidbits, which my mom thinks of being a nurse, but then yells at me for not asking them these questions, when they would have never arose in my head (or just CAN'T because it's already too confused and there's no room for them to float up and out of my mouth!) - and the doctors don't even GIVE you moments to ASK anything. They pop in, say a paragraph (or not even,) then leave. You're kind of always left there with your mouth hanging open like, 'Did I get all the info I needed or am I forgetting something?' Like you pack your bags for a trip, stop to think, then get all the way to your destination to realize you forgot your underwear. (Although, if that happened to me, I would punch myself in the face.)
So. Here we go. Hopefully the final segment is eight hours away. Funny thing is, while I wasn't trying to be too nervous about my first real surgery... after all this, now I'm worried my stress levels are going to further complicate the process tomorrow......... I'm really hoping that's proved false.

Yarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.


Luckily due to all the non-excitement existing in my life at the moment, I've been having fascinating dreams, last night's being showcased as the best thus far: making out with Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. HUBBA-HUBBA. But as the downside (for my dreams produced nightly have an ultimate high point, and an ult. low,) after my make-outs, dressed scantily clad in a skin tight hot pink mini dress and high heels, I had to run for my life from a disgustingly foul Ron Jeremy-like cretin. I'd tell the night before lasts, but it's just toooo Rated NC-17. (It's what dreams are made of when you're asexual!)

Jumpin' jehosaphat!

Leg is being scoped and the cysts are being surgically removed next Wednesday. This ortho said surprised: "The other ortho didn't suggest surgery? Really?" Yeah, really. It's going to be scoped because he doesn't think the cysts alone would be producing the major pains that have been felt from upper thigh to foot. Unfortunately the three tramadols a day isn't working today, having had to walk an hour (to the bus terminal from the ortho, then a mile home from where the bus dropped me off) and then sweep/vacuum all the floors in the house thoroughly for our guests this weekend (reminder: Simba is the sheddiest bear of a dog ever) and clean the bathrooms... I'm sitting here with an ice pack on the underside of my kneecap. Add in the first day of my girly thing and dealing with Simba's thunderstorm freakout = completely frazzled and not moving for the remainder of the evening. Have to get up at like six AM to go work my first day of work... while I'm going to suck up the pain and deal, I'm hoping they understand the need to not work on surgery day.




(Two of my MRI's --- saved a bunch of them. Interesting to look at!)

Who got a job? I got a job! I got a job hey hey hey hey...

GOT A JOB at a charming little place called the Wildflower Cafe! Went in and completely hit it off with my friend Michael's grandmother, who is the owner. Will be working in the kitchen with what seems to be the cutest and coolest older ladies on the block. (Kitchen manager: "Our humor get's kind of crude." Me: "Crude is good.") They really expressed the creativity part, making each plate exquisite, so I get to do quality food art! Will be nice to take more time into perfecting the food made, unlike past establishments where I had to make crappy food really fast. (Excluding Herrells from that statement, I made some damn sweet food art there.)
The two buses were easy peezy, I made a new friend named Sergio, and coincidentally enough he was at the bus terminal going home the same time as I, so we had some great conversation to and fro... also talked to an older couple and another lady from Pittsburgh, which were sweet and had wished me good luck. What wonderful glorious luck I had today... so amped that I'm still going to make an attempt at nabbing a second job. Working hard puts me at my happiest. WAH-LAH! (And thanks to my new pain meds, leggy is cooperating.)

boo to the pigs!

Tramadol has been added to my daily regimen of Tumeric Curcumin, Fish Oil, and my daily vitamins... PILLTOPIA. (Bleh, most of them are way too big.) Going to interview with a friend from Northampton's Grandma for a sweet position! Have to brave two buses there, but I WILL DO IT TO IT. Tomorrow is another ortho appointment. La dee dah, la dee dah.


AND YOU GO OCCUPY NYC-ers! STICK TO THE PLAN, STICK IT TO THE MAN.

could be in love with almost everyone

I think that people are the greatest fun,

AND - I - WILL - BE - ALONE - AGAIN, tonight, my dear.

(horn solo)

reelin' and rockin'

(I read 'Let It Blurt' [Lester Bangs Biography] senior year of college. I love this man.)

AND SO IT GOES.

KD: Jamie, the healthcare system has turned into an absolute scam. Point being, I had my MRI, was told I had ganglion cysts... go to the orthopedist today, and he was a giant tool and just told me all I needed was physical therapy. I fucking cried. and then he told me there 'must be something wrong with me' if I'm referring to my pain as a 10 (on a scale of 1 to 10.) The cyst(s) are deep in the back of my right leg/back of my kneecap.

JP: WTF.

KD: Then I proceeded to scowl at him and the lady who took the co-pay on my way out, and have been miserable for the rest of the day... crying, eating a lot, sleeping, and trying to cheer myself up to no avail.

JP: There are awful doctors out there, get a second opinion for sure.

KD: i was SO FUCKING CERTAIN everything was going to be taken care of and that i'd get whatever this giant bulgey feeling in my leg removed so my veins can stop bulging and pulsing outwards (and be discolored) and these fucking shooting pains from my thigh to my feet could stop. even my mom thinks we should maybe find someone else, she went with me, shes a nurse (chemo RN, but nevertheless) and she thought he was something, coming in there a fucking hour and a half after what appointment was scheduled to be at - and then running his fast trap and being a condescending asshole - while the dude shadowing him that came in prior (and felt my leg) seemed to show more sympathy and understanding than the actual doctor. I just felt completely and absolutely shut down.

JP: You really need a different doctor. Drs, especially older ones, think they can get away with this shit in this day and age.

KD: I felt as if I was almost giving him a death glare. I've already paid $170 of my own money for co-pays. Seriously cant stop crying, I can't deal with this bullshit anymore... it's weighed on my positive side so much all I can see is negative now. All I want to do is feel better and get a job and do well for myself again, and nothing wants to seem to let me do that for myself.

---------------------------------
(Another friend, who has survived cancer)

CM: yeah, i'm not a big fan of doctors, more from having to visit them so much than for them not doing their job. wikipedia (my trusted source for everything) says surgery or draining is the way to get rid of those

KD: yeah, but he said he wouldnt do it. but the thing is, this fucking office didnt even know my fucking MRI existed until they read it on my patient forms i gave them, when they were supposed to have been referred from my primary.

I had the MRI. I had to call the 'primary' I was given from the ER to find out what was up, she phoned and said I had the cysts, she referred the douche, and when I called to set the appointment for this dude, they had me print out fill out the patient form, and it doesnt seem like he had any prior contact about my MRI then what I wrote down on the form/and he probably looked up right before walking in the room to talk to me.

CM: medical people put out a lot of bs. did you find another doctor to visit?



Welp. Mystery Diagnosis bullshit is BULLSHIT.



EDIT: Watching 'Animal Crackers' to feel better.

Part One:

AB FAB BLOOPERS!

Phantogram is eargasmic.

I'll never forget cruising in my friend's car over a couple years ago listening to Phantogram on a warm spring day in West Hartford; he introduced me to them & gave me their first LP before 'Eyelid Movies' was out; only a few songs were on it, 'Mouthful of Diamonds' and 'When I'm Small' were rocked in my old New Britain apartment, but didn't get to hear 'Let Me Go' till about a year ago. Apparently they're gaining momentum and are up n' coming, so it'll be nice to hear new material!

songs unearthed from my past

They're here.

Watched that terrible Piranha 3-D movie with my mom tonight; disgustingly awful it was. Oh boy, skank and doofus beach party with mindless trance music gets busted by a bunch of bloody hungry CGI piranhas in which they dilacerate hoards of human bodies that really served no more of a purpose than to drunkenly talk about the size of each others boobs and dongs. Poor fake piranhas.
It did get me all interested in reading up on them though... one of their predators is, oddly enough, dolphins? And the species that is most meat maniacal is the red-bellied, which is primarily found in the Amazon River. They're the ones with the man-eating myth attached to them, but they really don't want anything to do with us:



In reality they're like the vultures of the sea. Give them some dead rotten meat and they'll have a tea party. (Reminds me of when I was little: going under water with a circle of friends, legs pretzeled, pretending one hand was a saucer, the other was the teacup...) ANYWAYS...

Now I want to see the 1978 version of Piranha.

Burgers and Bullshit.

A comment to THIS article:



"It seems that House Republicans want to return America to the days of Upton Sinclair's "The Jungle," when slaughterhouses were defined by unsafe working conditions, child labor and an utter absence of regulation. Given the frightening increase over the past decade in cases of e coli contamination, it is hard to imagine how even Republicans can justify deliberately endangering the safety of America's food supply.

Where exactly will America's wealthiest 0.1% get their food from?

Surely they don't all plan to hunt and slaughter the meat themselves."



My own take on this:
While both parties could be the culprits in this case, freakishly enough, Republicans make such a ruckus about being pro-life. So, they want the already overpopulated world to be even MORESO, to justifiably do what? Have sick, enslaved individuals? It's like they're out for human blood. It's like that Halloween episode of The Simpsons where they're grinding up the children into burgers. What the heck is going on? The 0.1% are proclaiming the rest of us have had it 'too easy' and should be treated even more harshly - like the cattle and poultry this nation is fed? I'm getting wearier by the minute with what I put into my body; I can't even take ibuprofen anymore for it's anti-inflammatory properties for my leg because it gives me horrible stomach pain, too afraid that if I keep at it, I'll burn a hole through my stomach. We are already so diseased... and will be very lucky to see how long our lifespans are thanks to big government pumping every younger generation fuller and fuller of absolute bullshit. (And stressing us out to where we pump ourselves full of even MORE toxins we SHOULDN'T be touching.) Honestly if I could reach out to my brothers and my sisters right now, the thing I want to express the most: please, please, please, limit your alcoholic and nicotine intakes. Please stop going crazy and binging on these things. Stop ANY sort of binging. Take care of yourselves. Live to give that 0.1% hell. Alright? Thank you.

doodle-time

drew this (without a blasted eraser) for miss haley morgan's birthday!