this shit rules.

if you could only see

smashachusetts & crunkneticut

seriously... Southwick is my rejuvenation center. arrived a couple of hours ago and already all the good feelings (and memories) are flooding my system. I LOVE IT UP HERE. bring on the nice full week of VACATION! (and the brother getting married.)

Pedestrian hijinks

While a car was stopped, allowing me to cross a street, my phone flew out of my bag without me noticing until I was on the other side. It had disassembled itself on the pavement: the battery and main body were safe, but the back cover was just inches away from falling into a sewer drain. The person patiently waited during this whole episode that was teetering on a possible panic attack. Guess crazy ass luck is on my side, sometimes.

is it really such a beautiful life?

  "All of these stories collectively pointed to the same thing: These banks, which already possess enormous power just by virtue of their financial holdings – in the United States, the top six banks, many of them the same names you see on the Libor and ISDAfix panels, own assets equivalent to 60 percent of the nation's GDP – are beginning to realize the awesome possibilities for increased profit and political might that would come with colluding instead of competing. Moreover, it's increasingly clear that both the criminal justice system and the civil courts may be impotent to stop them, even when they do get caught working together to game the system.

If true, that would leave us living in an era of undisguised, real-world conspiracy, in which the prices of currencies, commodities like gold and silver, even interest rates and the value of money itself, can be and may already have been dictated from above. And those who are doing it can get away with it. Forget the Illuminati – this is the real thing, and it's no secret. You can stare right at it, anytime you want."

An excerpt from Matt Taibbi's latest article in Rolling Stone. READ IT HERE.



"Bad men cannot make good citizens. It is when a people forget God that tyrants forge their chains. A vitiated state of morals, a corrupted public conscience, is incompatible with freedom. No free government, or the blessings of liberty, can be preserved to any people but by a firm adherence to justice, moderation, temperance, frugality, and virtue; and by a frequent recurrence to fundamental principles." - Patrick Henry

"I believe that there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachment of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations. When the policies and practices of the nation favor rights in exclusion of responsibility, and sanction vice at the expense of virtue, calamity is imminent." - James Madison

Late night note/thoughts

How enriched we collectively were (brain power wise) five years ago & how drastically it has declined since then... The human experience is getting lost in translation. If anyone can tell me differently, I graciously open the floor to them, for this is merely an opinion. (past bedtime.)

"When two people are frightened, they need each other, they make each other brave."

therapeutic noises

took these listening to a new album some wonderful friends made. it made me cry tears of happiness, be overly elated, all the good feelings. they're so talented, and fantastic, and I'll always be so appreciative of them for taking care of this spazz attack.
also, haven't drank in five days; trying to detox for a month, will probably do some light moderated drinking during vacation, but want to quit for [good/a long time.] already feel more brain power than usual, even though trying to re-circuit everything back to normal has lots of kinks. all kinds of kinks.
less worries and pain. more happiness. no fear.

bite my tongue, taste the blood

After being completely devastated about the Boston Marathon --- having found out online on my phone, checking it after getting to the bus terminal after yet another incredibly frustrating day; two weeks worth (in which I just diligently/silently sucked the fuck up, since it's just not worth the confrontation) at work --- I felt like I needed to connect with a friend, and this is what came out of me.

K: I don't want to live on this planet anymore, Bobby....

B: I know.

K: I'm worried all I'll ever do is work my ass off, have chronic pain every day of my life, try to be as outwardly vigilant and protest however possible, and then one random day, my body seizes up from whatever crap has piled up in my body, and that's that... and in this society now, we're all desensitized to death, so a lot of people will stop and go 'oh my god' for a good 15 minutes (and ha, how our culture lives for their 15 minutes of fame) and all will be forgotten, and seriously, I just embrace nothingness because of everything I know that is inevitable.

My brain has been so overloaded analyzing everything as much as it possibly can, and because of that, it hurts all the time, and I cannot go to sleep without some sedative involved.

B: A lot to respond to. Yeah, it's hard not to feel bleak and existential about everything... I know. the world is sick, the government is corrupt, life is hard. I think the best way to feel better starts with treating the body and the mind better.

eat more raw foods. that's what your body wants.

don't drink or smoke or do drugs. for a while.

you will start to see a change in everything

the way the world seems and your perception of it

what you take from it, bring to it and so on

K: Am I too off kilter to feel this way?

or I mean, am I crazy for feeling this way.

do others perceive me as a lunatic, I worry.

no one fucking talks to ME, down here. they talk AT me, they order me around, but god dammit.

B: I don't think so, maybe you shouldn't live down there. It's Florida, right?

To this, I wasn't exactly sure how to respond. From my experiences, it 'seems' to be that not being to properly communicate with people happened after my move from Indiana, and grew worse when I was a chubby awkward dork with no friends, that's in essence when I began my relationship with the computer, the internet, writing out everything (especially how I feel) ---- learning about all the things that make me worry for everyone's existence........... while everyone else is able to have lives and act normal and be (blissfully, ignorantly) happy? I'm not quite sure how to feel tonight. These insidious awful events need to stop. It hurts to know that this shit can only be the beginning to something very frightening, and I'm trying to remain strong as fucking ever. If I never write anything as remotely meaningful as this again, I'd really like everyone to know, to everyone I've met, and even to those haven't (pen pals, anyone who actually reads this drivel) --- you've all touched my heart, and I wish we could all live in a progressive society that is disciplined, worked together, lived harmoniously, and where we weren't fucking idiots. alas, why blame the people when oh! who makes everyone hate everybody? Western Civilization, give up the ghost. Your overbearing days are over, and we, THE WORLD, do not wish to be your fucking slaves. Eat shit and die, and let the people rebuild anew without your pesky bullshit fucktard NEO NAZI WAYS.

but i'm still running

getting better, all the time

my mood lately = a happy chirpy lil' night critter outside. short, but sweet, this is... but it means a lot.

I help care for, have fun, and love everyone I can be close to. In a sense, it's like I'm 'dating' all my friends. [mentally, not horizontally/physically, so all you asshats can leave.] None of us are meant to be confined to one person. We're supposed to love as much as we can, so do it however you deem it fit.

surgical focus

Thank you, Sarah Gagné.

monkey toes and string beans