Tuesday, April 5, 2016
Random blog update. It's really late. Tried taking something to fall asleep. instead having hallucinations of creepy black satiny wisps of shape shifty spirits running back and forth on the floor between my bed and the radiator. It could just be one singular creepy mini babadook. :[ Also rather unfortunate: in this current state of being, am noticing how badly the wall I press my back against in bed shakes with the 91 overpass right outside my window. oh, and I realized I suck for not even trying to write anymore, even if it's sufferin' bowl of succotash. so, in this and thwarted attempts at sleep to come, I'll just write about what fucking sucks. Like the rumbly feelings of the semis passing will one day just crumble it to the ground, because the house rumbled all the damn long day and night. Or one will go careening off of the overpass one day and fly right into this place. It reminds me of having the highway outside of my window of the SECOND house I lived in, in Glastonbury, and all the sleepless nights I had there. The internet was so much more fun in high school... people would actually chat longer than five minutes. If you can get five... these days. this is also where I'll admit, I've got some thoughts cooking up my sleeve. Actual legitimate creative endeavors. Can't say anything more because I will never let myself jinx myself ever again by telling anyone what I aim to accomplish - it always sets me up for failure - and there is nothing stopping me now. yes, I will have these shitty fucking days where I stay in bed practically the entire two days off because my body is mentally/physically scrapped (and due to the resurgence of colder weather, everything hurts) but it's also in these days I think the most, especially when I'm trying to heal myself out of the wreck I used to be. Still having not so great moments once in a while, and drinking less at night means serious struggles with sleep (used to rely on heavy amounts to put me TO sleep) ... it will be a never-ending battle; at my best have found myself enjoying a few miller high lifes, and all's well. I'd like to have some of the calm, creative, social confidences I once had back... they'd pair well with my newer ones. Hopefully this can be some sort of starting point. I need to get out of my head.