mid-December

oh-muh-godiez, hullo blergh! I'z been livin' back up in the northern region for almost two and a half months, and while it's good to be back, it certainly has not been easy. ghetto superstar modern day suffragette really isn't as cool as it sounds, but I've always had some sorta knack for making due with menial amounts of moolah (it buildeth character) no matter where I crop up (every few years or so.) while the general public of downtown new haven is a little, shall we say, 'too much to handle' sometimes, the friends (new and old) that I've surrounded myself/confided in up here might very well be the best support system cultivated in quite some time, as most who know me have watched me battle all the demons/hazy cloudiness that has been my life since '08-'09. fortunately enough after a recent pain-ful/filled event, Karyn has (finally, took ya long enough) gained an actual, legit perspective on winning back her happiness and confidence, and here's a GIANT element that has been finally laid to rest: ditching the whole 'looking for love' thing. Wasting time on finding happiness and contentment through a guy/relationship is the last thing necessary right now; having one close guy and girl friend, a puggle, and my cat -- is currently what keeps me anchored. ......it's cold as shit & am currently in the midst of the first snowstorm experience since winter three years ago, but slowly and surely (by the way, Shirley, they're remaking Naked Gun. Sending you my sincerest apologies, Mr. Nielsen...) crawling my way back to the saner individual I know I've been before, and can be again.

the truth is just a lie

so funny that I only JUST found out they're from Dayton, Ohio too. All these awesome bands were around me releasing records whilst I ran around with my childhood friends.... it would be great to re-visit Dayton, someday eventually. If anyone in this country can ever afford a vacation again... (cough sputterSHITGOVERNMENTgagcoughspew)

Fleeing Florida, the new hit tv show!

Soon, this blog will be legit used again... because I will have to chronicle my cat Maverick and I's epic journey ... moving to New Haven, CT! Living with a lady friend on the second floor of a house. Will need to find a job immediately, but so, unbelievably excited. Going to miss my roommate, but I think this clears the way for him and I to be good friends that will definitely be keeping in touch, instead of staying here and feeling like we're going to strangle each other; also marking the first time I have been able to keep a guy as a friend after a 'relationship,' even though that's truly how I've wanted all of them to transpire, being the ultra progressive person that I am, but yanno, the past is the past, and I am JAZZED about my future. ONWARD!

this is my jam

The sky is different, the stars are different, the wind is different

"If you do not ask the right questions, you do not get the right answers. A question asked in the right way often points to its own answer. Asking questions is the A-B-C of diagnosis. Only the inquiring mind solves problems." Edward Hodnett

never going back again

cry baby

wisdom teeth

animated gif noir

ladies, he will DO your windows.

"I want a woman who can sit me down, shut me up, tell me ten things I don’t already know, and make me laugh. I don’t care what you look like, just turn me on. And if you can do that, I will follow you on bloody stumps through the snow. I will nibble your mukluks with my own teeth. I will do your windows. I will care about your feelings. Just have something in there." - Henry Rollins

who will brush our hair when we're gone?

rainy day picture show

business meetings

its all red kale and rice and beans,
   the chilled green teas and the whiskeys,
could you pass that over here?
fffffffffffffffff----!!!!! -eelin' kinda friskies

college memoirs

oh stupendous RAPTURE

just would like to give a round of applause to a handful of people who, upon acting as if they either: knew SO much MORE than me, bitched me out for things they've now done tenfold (or hah, at the time were doing just as much as myself but had to have some bullshit superiority complex over me), or have long since shut me out of their lives, have found themselves in similar or shittier positions than what I've been in! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! you're THE FUCKING SAME, but you decided that your shit never stank, and mine did! LOLOLOL! Sucks that this makes me feel better. ..... eh, it sorta does.

potty potty potty parrr-tayyyy

also, I did some porn for my friends band (which they obviously didn't ask me to do, the shirt arrived today and I turned it into a tank top.)

yep, two whole photos of shirt porn. 

AS YOU/EVERYONE WERE/WAS.

wakkawakkadoodooYEOW

my roommate told me to update this. so, uhh.... 

Welcome to MS Paint Masterpiece theatre! Our selected piece toad-ay, is toady:

and the other day I turned into an evil panda bear with a drumstick ice cream cone

and once upon a time, I was a moose with a space ghost t-shirt on

and thats all for now folks! have a glorious day! 

this shit rules.

if you could only see

smashachusetts & crunkneticut

seriously... Southwick is my rejuvenation center. arrived a couple of hours ago and already all the good feelings (and memories) are flooding my system. I LOVE IT UP HERE. bring on the nice full week of VACATION! (and the brother getting married.)

Pedestrian hijinks

While a car was stopped, allowing me to cross a street, my phone flew out of my bag without me noticing until I was on the other side. It had disassembled itself on the pavement: the battery and main body were safe, but the back cover was just inches away from falling into a sewer drain. The person patiently waited during this whole episode that was teetering on a possible panic attack. Guess crazy ass luck is on my side, sometimes.

is it really such a beautiful life?

  "All of these stories collectively pointed to the same thing: These banks, which already possess enormous power just by virtue of their financial holdings – in the United States, the top six banks, many of them the same names you see on the Libor and ISDAfix panels, own assets equivalent to 60 percent of the nation's GDP – are beginning to realize the awesome possibilities for increased profit and political might that would come with colluding instead of competing. Moreover, it's increasingly clear that both the criminal justice system and the civil courts may be impotent to stop them, even when they do get caught working together to game the system.

If true, that would leave us living in an era of undisguised, real-world conspiracy, in which the prices of currencies, commodities like gold and silver, even interest rates and the value of money itself, can be and may already have been dictated from above. And those who are doing it can get away with it. Forget the Illuminati – this is the real thing, and it's no secret. You can stare right at it, anytime you want."

An excerpt from Matt Taibbi's latest article in Rolling Stone. READ IT HERE.



"Bad men cannot make good citizens. It is when a people forget God that tyrants forge their chains. A vitiated state of morals, a corrupted public conscience, is incompatible with freedom. No free government, or the blessings of liberty, can be preserved to any people but by a firm adherence to justice, moderation, temperance, frugality, and virtue; and by a frequent recurrence to fundamental principles." - Patrick Henry

"I believe that there are more instances of the abridgment of the freedom of the people by gradual and silent encroachment of those in power than by violent and sudden usurpations. When the policies and practices of the nation favor rights in exclusion of responsibility, and sanction vice at the expense of virtue, calamity is imminent." - James Madison

Late night note/thoughts

How enriched we collectively were (brain power wise) five years ago & how drastically it has declined since then... The human experience is getting lost in translation. If anyone can tell me differently, I graciously open the floor to them, for this is merely an opinion. (past bedtime.)

"When two people are frightened, they need each other, they make each other brave."

therapeutic noises

took these listening to a new album some wonderful friends made. it made me cry tears of happiness, be overly elated, all the good feelings. they're so talented, and fantastic, and I'll always be so appreciative of them for taking care of this spazz attack.
also, haven't drank in five days; trying to detox for a month, will probably do some light moderated drinking during vacation, but want to quit for [good/a long time.] already feel more brain power than usual, even though trying to re-circuit everything back to normal has lots of kinks. all kinds of kinks.
less worries and pain. more happiness. no fear.

bite my tongue, taste the blood

After being completely devastated about the Boston Marathon --- having found out online on my phone, checking it after getting to the bus terminal after yet another incredibly frustrating day; two weeks worth (in which I just diligently/silently sucked the fuck up, since it's just not worth the confrontation) at work --- I felt like I needed to connect with a friend, and this is what came out of me.

K: I don't want to live on this planet anymore, Bobby....

B: I know.

K: I'm worried all I'll ever do is work my ass off, have chronic pain every day of my life, try to be as outwardly vigilant and protest however possible, and then one random day, my body seizes up from whatever crap has piled up in my body, and that's that... and in this society now, we're all desensitized to death, so a lot of people will stop and go 'oh my god' for a good 15 minutes (and ha, how our culture lives for their 15 minutes of fame) and all will be forgotten, and seriously, I just embrace nothingness because of everything I know that is inevitable.

My brain has been so overloaded analyzing everything as much as it possibly can, and because of that, it hurts all the time, and I cannot go to sleep without some sedative involved.

B: A lot to respond to. Yeah, it's hard not to feel bleak and existential about everything... I know. the world is sick, the government is corrupt, life is hard. I think the best way to feel better starts with treating the body and the mind better.

eat more raw foods. that's what your body wants.

don't drink or smoke or do drugs. for a while.

you will start to see a change in everything

the way the world seems and your perception of it

what you take from it, bring to it and so on

K: Am I too off kilter to feel this way?

or I mean, am I crazy for feeling this way.

do others perceive me as a lunatic, I worry.

no one fucking talks to ME, down here. they talk AT me, they order me around, but god dammit.

B: I don't think so, maybe you shouldn't live down there. It's Florida, right?

To this, I wasn't exactly sure how to respond. From my experiences, it 'seems' to be that not being to properly communicate with people happened after my move from Indiana, and grew worse when I was a chubby awkward dork with no friends, that's in essence when I began my relationship with the computer, the internet, writing out everything (especially how I feel) ---- learning about all the things that make me worry for everyone's existence........... while everyone else is able to have lives and act normal and be (blissfully, ignorantly) happy? I'm not quite sure how to feel tonight. These insidious awful events need to stop. It hurts to know that this shit can only be the beginning to something very frightening, and I'm trying to remain strong as fucking ever. If I never write anything as remotely meaningful as this again, I'd really like everyone to know, to everyone I've met, and even to those haven't (pen pals, anyone who actually reads this drivel) --- you've all touched my heart, and I wish we could all live in a progressive society that is disciplined, worked together, lived harmoniously, and where we weren't fucking idiots. alas, why blame the people when oh! who makes everyone hate everybody? Western Civilization, give up the ghost. Your overbearing days are over, and we, THE WORLD, do not wish to be your fucking slaves. Eat shit and die, and let the people rebuild anew without your pesky bullshit fucktard NEO NAZI WAYS.

but i'm still running

getting better, all the time

my mood lately = a happy chirpy lil' night critter outside. short, but sweet, this is... but it means a lot.

I help care for, have fun, and love everyone I can be close to. In a sense, it's like I'm 'dating' all my friends. [mentally, not horizontally/physically, so all you asshats can leave.] None of us are meant to be confined to one person. We're supposed to love as much as we can, so do it however you deem it fit.

surgical focus

Thank you, Sarah Gagné.

monkey toes and string beans

my cat loves leonard cohen

can you tell me, when we're leaving?

when people all over the world, free people found a way to live together. i'd like to be around to see some of that in the beginning.

"you're not going to fight it. you're just going to give in, play along. let their idiotic rules stand." "i don't play along. but what can one person do?" "you can tell them to go jump in a lake!" a good film can change the world.

SPARKARTOON!

could start a song a tenor and then end as bass

animals

maybe we don't wanna live in a world where our innocence is so short

two of my favorite albums from 8th and 10th grade.

hello kitties

early Can

sundaytoonz

Fantasia

2030

"June 12, 2030 started out like any other day in memory—and by then, memories were long. Since cancer had been cured fifteen years before, America's population was aging rapidly. That sounds like good news, but consider this: millions of baby boomers, with a big natural predator picked off, were sucking dry benefits and resources that were never meant to hold them into their eighties and beyond. Young people around the country simmered with resentment toward "the olds" and anger at the treadmill they could never get off of just to maintain their parents' entitlement programs.
But on that June 12th, everything changed: a massive earthquake devastated Los Angeles, and the government, always teetering on the edge of bankruptcy, was unable to respond.
The fallout from the earthquake sets in motion a sweeping novel of ideas that pits national hope for the future against assurances from the past and is peopled by a memorable cast of refugees and billionaires, presidents and revolutionaries, all struggling to find their way. In 2030, Albert Brooks' all-too-believable, dystopian imagining of where today's challenges could lead us tomorrow makes gripping and thought-provoking reading." (from amazon.com)

 

(that's apparently what's in store for me in this book, must... order... now...) 

[edit: totally ordered it.]

September 1969

Charlie Brooker's 2011 & 2012 Wipes

hermit update

wishing I could just take whatever supplies necessary [and things for gardening] and have the opportunity to go inhabit a cabin in an unadulterated forest somewhere with internet, for a while... to just be given the chance to create; to awaken everyday with natural blissful happiness would surely lead to great things. could honestly say I wouldn't mind being completely alone at this point. hopefully someday, this could happen, but until then, I'll try not to give my hopes up. thanks to all who hear me out. pz. ♥

WHUT.

OH YAH?!! YOU DON'T SAY. TELL ME MORE.

Mockumentary

this is from the blooper reel of my friend and I's adventure/social experiment in St. Petersburg, Florida. obviously this bridge didn't stand a chance. OBV.

I'm entirely too insecure for my well-being.

tunezzz

fear of music

I NEARLY DIEEEEEDDDD

blue suede shoes

the name of the game is lightworks

some go out with a bang

mirror man

simply beautiful.

this gives me goose pimples.

No yellow snow here.

Cleaning, errands, beer.
all on a breathtakingly perfect 78 degree January afternoon. Can't get any better than this!

Hot love on the

Watch "Rick Gervais & Noel Gallagher - Freelove Freeway" on YouTube

Drunk on new beers i've never tried before. From exquisite places with really kind bartenders named Andy...

Dressing pretty to make myself feel more positive. Going beer hunting in Tampa with my pal Zach. now if my stiff neck (result of upset tension) can get with the program, this is shaping up to be a considerably wonderful day, considering.

put yo'self on the shelve, 2012.

13 was always my lucky number, and so far, nothin' but luck. happy 2013 to everyone, may it bring luck to us all after a long year of stupid. common sense, accountability, morality, justice, happiness, kindness, being happy with nothing: get into it. stay tough, brussel sprouts.

Salut, 2013. I already love thee.