Wednesday, May 9, 2012

plans, plans, everywhere a plan

my constantly evolving revolutionary idea to relocate to Chicago in the near future is slowly solidifying (either Nov, Dec, after the new year, after the next snowbird season, not sure yet) saving up enough to cover a few months rent at the very least, because I've got a lot of catching up to do in my midwestern homeland... already have childhood friends excited at the prospect! get to visit my relatives BY MYSELF (ooh) and you know, live my life finally, really and truly, for myself. [don't bother entertaining the idea that any of this has to do with you, you moved to the one city I stood in countless times growing up - from the highest points of two of the tallest skyscrapers - legit telling myself I'd end up there, in my neverending quest of defending freedom of speech --- so have at that, awkward Connecticut boy. and stay away from me.]

anyways. dialogue between my mother and i, upon reacting to such a doe-y wide-eyed scheme:

Mother: Talk to me about your plans...at least we have good friends who live/work there....they can be on the lookout for nice affordable areas for you to live. And (had to throw this in)...hoping you look into going back to finish college. [my own sidenote: watch out, if you know my mom you'll be forced into extra workload, *drumbeats after a joke*]


Muah: I'll do whatever I can afford to do, and what I think I can handle, when I can handle it. It's called my life for a reason, and I'm not going to feel guilted into doing something I don't know if I can afford, or have a hard time believing in anymore (working at Central's newspaper allowed us to uncover all the hidden fucked up truths about it, and that every college is just all about the money.) it would have to be a super special institution in my eyes at this point, and if they were willing to help me out financially in some way (or even working on the campus) to NOT have a giant student debt, then yes, maybe I would consider. It just isn't the right climate at the moment. I can't throw myself into school when I've been barely able to write anything. A lady who wrote a book to help writers with writers block had a block for 14 years. I pushed myself hard in school from the very beginning to the very end, and unfortunately, I sunk myself my last semester. Mom, I'm not trying to be an ass, but we're very similar in the sense that we have ideas that roll off the tongue easily and sound doable instantly, but the reality of things, are...well... the reality of things! Every right-minded person knows this country is fucked and unfortunately need all the green to stay afloat, and having had sunk, need to build up more to stay up and out of the water. I need to save money. Because really? After having kicked my ass for the longest time, I would like to enjoy life a bit, live with my rent paid for a few months, take some improv classes, visit old friends and family back where I grew up, and do things that make ME happy. Hopefully I meet like-minded people who want to create and whistleblow the shit out of all the royal pains in the asses that are MAKING OUR LIVES SO DAMN DIFFICULT in the first place!

Mother: I totally understand and hear your frustration, and agree that it's your life, and that you need to save up some money. I'm not trying to argue with you...just hoping that you go to finish at some school for something that you really want to do. Chicago is fine...you'll be closer to your aunt & uncles & grandmother & cousins. And I'm sure you can get more grants than loans (like the Pell Grant) to finish out a degree...be it journalism or if you fancy something else. When you get to it...when you can handle it. Forget the past now...stay in the present...and work towards your future. That's all. Love, Mom.

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