HUMP DAY.

Crossing fingers that Scott Alden and I will soon be co-workers! If I get this position, I will have a solid career. Which would also obviously mean I'd be staying. Maybe this is total Bristol Palin moving to Arizona and wanting to become town hee-haw (deputy.. and she's not, I made it up) of me to say, and is a total tooting of the horn (insert Gaby making fun of me to keep my ego in check) but gee golly howdy, this town needs me! No, they don't need the Karyn who acted like she knew everything and had a big mouth (HOLY SHIT LOOK I'M ADMITTING SOMETHING) - but she left the building weeks ago. Last night showcased the new me. Make everyone happy. smile. pleasantries are key! I cannot think badly of anyone. shit happens. things start anew. life goes on. Life is just too crazy to hold onto past regrets.

I admitted last night that cats are smarter than dogs, just in a completely different way. but when you want an attentive playmate, a dog wins. cats just like to watch you like you're a psychopath that needs to go to a mental hospital. aka - we probably look like doofy dogs.

It also occurred to me last night that I should just write in here more frequently about daily exploits... kind of like I did in livejournal to an extent. "I don't have facebook or any of those things. I do have two livejournals." - smug ass kid (yeah I'll call him kid) last night at the bar... then he admitted to being stuck in 1997 - and was wearing Doc Martens.. so we laughed our heads off. Because, where else am I going to get to tell the world that I got my happily drunk father and stepmother to play Apples to Apples with me, my brother, and his girlfriend.. on Christmas? (I walloped everyone :])

AND! Gaby and I want to do cartoon voiceovers. WE NEED TO FIND AN ANIMATOR. Also, I just need to hunker down and purchase a voice recorder and try to find my camera?

I think I got ran over by a train.

So this is the new year (or almost, at least.)

Here are some things that will be occurring:

Tea and vitamins taking place of alcohol,
(the consumption of beer will only
take place over healthy conversation)
Yoga and pilates will be routinely implemented,
Taking care of others = high priority
Eating less crap, the greener, the better
More booklearning, less tomfoolery
Downtime = creative endeavors
(More will be added as the New Year approaches)

Good gracious, the statements they hide behind...

Will not let the idiocy get to me. Stop it, self. and if you could just exnay on the sinuses and killer migrane so I could sleep properly, well that would be a nice added bonus, now - wouldn't it?

Books during a blizzard.

Reading free online books is great fun, especially when the pages are actually scanned and flip like they should! For example, this one is full of enjoyable, relatable poems... like this one:

Telepathy

Upon the mystic wires I've sent
A message true, which straightway went
To it's intended goal--
A troubled friend in a far-off clime,
To him it went with help sublime--
That message from my soul.

The subtle thoughts that fill the air,
With silent powers are everywhere,
And as the ages roll,
Each is helping, soon or late,
To shape the world's predestined fate--
these flashes from the soul.

I wish I had a river, I could skate away on...

I have a month to figure out where I'm going and what path I'm going to take. While my dad really wants me to go to Indiana, I wish I could find something on the east coast that was arguable enough for me to stay... that'd be wonderful. I really wish I could nomad for a while and pay my way through random work and 'dirty' deeds (done dirt cheap! yes, obviously I mean cleaning.) It'd give me something to write about at least. Why did my dad have to give me the "you're not getting any younger - you need to start a career" talk yesterday? Can I please travel for a little bit of my twenty somethings? Isn't this my time before being serious? If we make it through 2012, can I start being serious the day after we emerge unscathed?

Merry Christmas.

Update: More thought processing - maybe I SHOULD go to Indiana for a while. Have a solid homebase, get some sort of a job, save up money FOR this concocted psuedo-novelistic idea of mine. Get reacquainted with relatives I haven't seen in a while, help them out a bit. It's the least I could do...

I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay

No, I don't want to necessarily go back to Indiana... yet. Certainly do not wish to stay much longer in Northampton, however. I'd love to move up to Maine or Vermont and work on a farm.... tend to a place, force myself to learn new things, become a REAL self sufficient woman. obviously would be better if I had someone to tend to as well... make meals, knit and sew, have some lil animals running around... Why couldn't this happen? I want this to happen. I need this adventure in my life. I'm so tired of being a mouse in a cupboard. I am super tough and awesome, hear me roar, dammit.

Das' right.

And so it is...

I think my heart is telling me to move. I'm going to miss the bajeebus out of the wonderful friends I have here, but sending them presents and messages through snail mail will be a good way to always keep in touch.
It's admitting to yourself when you need a change, a new aspect or approach. Never admit defeat; some situations are simply not worth the grief. Those who commit grief will continue to do so in your absence, whether they remain stagnant or grow is certainly up to the individual - and to be distanced from it - will only benefit personal growth. (Not trying to sound like an asshole. This will just benefit my specific ending result.)
All I can say is, there's so much more than this. While this town can say it has everything, I don't think it's truly everything if you don't want to share it with others who just might be a little bit more clueless about all the interesting things you see, hear, learn about --- without the pretentious bullshit factor. Sans the bullshit in general.
Talking about the nonsensical takes a backseat in life at one point: and for it to have been in the back - suddenly hopping up front, it scares the shit out of you all over again. Since Thanksgiving, I have completely distanced myself from the vacuous mindnumbing pitterpatter and do not speak much at all, really, and I like it just fine. Only respond to the positive and uplifting.
I felt like I was dying a couple days ago. Just when I feel like I won't pull through, I do end up making a major decision of rebirth. I guess it's just that.

Yep.

"I have unwittingl­y ruined my country. A great industrial nation is controlled by its system of credit. Our system of credit is concentrat­ed in the hands of a few men. We have come to be one of the worst ruled, one of the most completely controlled and dominated government­s in the world... no longer a government of free opinion, no longer a government by conviction and vote of the majority, but a government by the opinion and duress of small groups of dominant men." -Woodrow Wilson

video killed the literary star?

Decided to post a LINK to my ever infamous youtube account here, since it's been in the dark for most of its existence: COME HITHER!

WE ALL SHINE ON.

John Lennon,

You gave me instant karma today. I am eternally grateful.

LOVE,
Karyn

Inspiration!

Spending my Sunday with my drawing pad and classical records that have gone neglected since the summertime.

Mrs. O'Keeffe,

You'll always be my favorite painter.



Love and admiration for life,
Karyn

Insomniac Theatre: Shakespeare Sonnet XXVIII.

"How can I then return in happy plight,
That am debarr'd the benefit of rest?
When day's oppression is not eased by night,
But day by night, and night by day, oppress'd?
And each, though enemies to either's reign,
Do in consent shake hands to torture me;
The one by toil, the other to complain
How far I toil, still farther off from thee.
I tell the day, to please them thou art bright
And dost him grace when clouds do blot the heaven:
So flatter I the swart-complexion'd night,
When sparkling stars twire not thou gild'st the even.
But day doth daily draw my sorrows longer
And night doth nightly make grief's strength
seem stronger."