Wednesday, July 13, 2011

getting by with a little help from my friends.

"The more one dwells on oneself," says psychoanalyst Adam Phillips in his book Going Sane, "The more one is likely to suffer." He thinks people need encouragement to avoid excessive introspection."

Excerpt from my horoscope in the Advocate this past week. (KARYN, PICK UP THIS WEEKS BEFORE VALIANT BUS RIDE TO WORK!)

I can't even think in regards to myself anymore. I used to, and it was like it was recently picked from me - that little feather was plucked. The people around me are the most important, and should always feel loved... and I love them.

Being surrounded by such wonderful people and fabulous moments and actually riveting, thought filled, glorious situations and conversations - I barely even know how to 'have fun' on the internet anymore; it's such a bore.

Lately, I decide on a simple path for my day, and then let it curtail and fork paths at night, more recently in dark woods - and have been enjoying zen moments swimming in the water - succumbing to the stars and sounds around me.

My only need for technology at the moment is when it comes to chronicling these moments to hold onto. Even though the world is such a scary place, right now I am peaceful. I am happy. It really does baffle me when we all get askew - and then we bond together anew.

And just to throw in a little 'raunch' (lord help if any relatives actually read this, but I've recently declared sexual freedom) here's a page from my written journal, which I keep flipflopping on whether I should put a lot of it, if any, online.

July 1st.

Unbeknownest to mankind, I have a confession to make - I am officially single. Moreso importantly, have discovered myself sexually, and have taken ample steps of finally becoming comfortable with it. So far, the positives to living in this town are actually surpassing the grim attitude of the past.
Of course I considered myself single before, but mentally had the block of prudence getting in my way of enjoying ANYTHING (how people dealt with me prior to this breakthrough I'll never know)
Also, I can deal with men in the bedroom instead of feeling scared or threatened - literally pushing away fears and just going with whatever I AM comfortable with, and if they try to push my buttons or try to be forceful, I will give hell. It is my decision on what happens and if they play 'nice', I will play 'dirty.'
I spoke with an older man that looked like Jim Jarmusch last night on a balcony, persuaded him to come downstairs and outside, made out with him against the side of a building, and then had to bolt to catch up with a friend. as Veronica Corningstone would say (with my own personal twist) EMPOWER... EMPOWER...

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