69th POST OF THE YEAR!

I got too excited when I saw that I somehow haphazardly made sixty-nine of these fuckers (excited in more ways than one yes indeed you better believe it) this year so far. 2011 has beaten 2010 in the push for creativity by a long shot... and it's probably, admittedly, because I feel like I actually have an audience again, which I severely missed having post-college newspaper.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THAT.

How about some vintage erotica, in the formation of...


(engraving by Felicien Rops, 1865.)

Ooooooh-weeeeeeeeeee!

been around the world and i-i-i, i can't find my baby

OVERALL statistics for this blog thus far.

BIG SHOUT OUT TO THE REST OF THE WORLD BEYOND AMERICA!
We're lame, anyways.

The Last (Family) Supper... for now.

"I feel like a newborn baby lamb - fresh from the placenta." - the feeling of being in Love, according to Mr. Showalter.

But David Wain didn't get no love... yet he's so gosh darn charming.

HE LOST HIS PALS to 'love.'

now he's playing Monopoly, and riding a three person bike all alone.

Aw crap stella is making women look scary as hell. Actually, so did Celebrity Apprentice tonight (my dad and stepmom were watching it...) it definitely showed that men have a certain camaraderie that women just seem to lack completely.

My mind is totally at ease here... going to Patrices tonight to visit with her family, we agreed coming back here HELPS SO MUCH. I don't want to leave my family & pups. Le sigh. Back to lovelessland tomorrow. (No panties in bunches please, I speak in generalities.)

Going to be writing a story for my stepmother in regards to my golden Benny's rescue from a shelter in North Carolina; it's quite the epic saga. It began with a little black and white newspaper snippet of his photo - that stole my stepmother's giant heart, and with the scare of the entire shelter being euthanized, his rescue was halted and postponed countless times - all of this chronicled in back and forth correspondence over a few months... I agreed to do something, 'cause my sweet lil Benny boy is a beaut. I actually think the whole illustrated book idea would work out; I've drawn him several times in a very cute cartoon form (even made a tote bag with Benny's face for my stepmom once with shirt paints) and the whole little B&W photo aspect just screams to be drawn and be largely focused upon.



Random Quote of the Evening: "I loved you like a man loves a woman he never touches, only writes to, keeps little photographs of." - Charles Bukowski

Sexiest Men Ever.

Reeses Easter Eggs

Had a little too much [fun, to drink] last night and made out with my friend Kyle, which apparently we were being all silly and stealthy in a corner outside near the firepit.

Having not gotten that sloshed in a while made me incredibly susceptible to an extremely intense hangover that I had to ward off at work today (and puked in the toliet afterwards.) And retriggered my goal to not drink (I REALLY am trying.) - most people who I speak to that no longer drink tell me how it's the best thing you can do for yourself. Alcohol just makes every part of you feel like poop.

Called Ohio today, that made me feel somewhat better, the friendliness in their voices were soothing; was even wished 'happy easters' at the end. little did they know my head felt like it was exploding - my coworker brian and I were talking about all the ways it could explode - after exclaiming I felt like Golum, he kept a drawing of mine he was enamored with, but said it wasn't complete without a 'golum' signature at the bottom. "If I drew like this, I wouldn't be here." he said. Well, I do draw like that, and... I need to be there.

One thing thats a bit of a bumout is how easily I explore my inhibitions without a second thought when I'm inebriated. Why can't that happen sober? Have been tiptoeing closer to it though; silly outrageous friends are knockin' it into me daily.

I'm home in Southwick at my dads! IT'S WONDA-FULL. GOT THE AY-OKAY to invite a handful of friends to take up to the cabin! It's going to be one hell of a time.

"What I like about you is that you're independent, but still fragile... as if on the cusp of breaking out and being truly something spectacular, that everyone will notice. Like I'm getting in on the ground floor for when you rocket to something better. I know how that may sound condescending, which I don't intend.." (my friend Adam.)

stupid murphys law shit

Thanks to my frequent coffee shop being a sweltering waterhole, I opted for a cool drink instead, one of the 99 cent persuasion.

Unfortunately someone else had the same idea as me and I rolled my eyes, ran up to the back of said person, said:

"You're not allowed to be in the same place as me." with a little knock in his back.

while I WAS joking, I actually really don't want to be in the same place as you.

TOTALLY deserved to punch you harder than that, but it/you wasn't/aren't worth it.

Hate awkward jitterbug moments.

And, lost my appetite. THANKS A LOT.

no matter, I'm happy right now, and nothin is bringing me down.

TIME TO GO SEE MY FRIEND FROM NYC WHO IS VISITING!
Work, fun, friends, then family SOON.

It's like a heatwave, burnin' in my heart.

When Cora, Kozak and I had lunch at Hillside yesterday, there was a sex tape discussion. "You should definitely find someone to do that with," Kozak quipped to me.





already got ideas.

"they come to see the beer cans."

When the nice owner of the bar buys/does shots of fine Irish whiskey with you and let's you in on a little bit of history, well you just sit on that bar stool and let it happen.

mrs. puff

b3wbi3z! @b0rt m!$$!0n! @!3333333!

Mucus Monday

While trying to take it easy today albeit feeling like the proverbial shit on a stick, I trooped all the way to the library to find it closed for Patriots Day (oh boy boston marathon whoopie) and thus I am at my other disclosed location but when they're not here I feel like a nuisance. (And that doesn't make much sense now does it?)
Although I got to tell this tale already to a few people in person, I would like to present, 'Girl in the Back Window of the Red Truck.' When I was about a few minutes from walking across Route 9 to get to my bus stop to go home last night, said red truck pulled up 20 meters (or less) in front of me. "How much?" the girl in the open back window sneered. "Oh, very funny." I retort loud enough to hear. "YOU'RE A WHORE!" girl yells back. "FUCK YOU. YOU'RE A BITCH." I bellowed loudly. "WHORE!" said her. "NO LIFE!" said me. I had yelled my butt off in public; never done that before. (sober, at least. generally not too much drunk either.)
Apparently the infamous red truck even drove a random lap around the bus stop before I even got there; someone mentioned they yelled they had some sort of STD and sped away. Then as I was waiting there a red truck circled around again, and even though I wasn't sure if it was them, I flicked them off in front of the Three Muskateers. (Three 8th graders who were waiting for the bus - while I was talking on the phone prior to their arrival, the 3M were being goofy and saying things like 'tell him i said this' [to me, to say on the phone] and when I told them they were dubbed the 3M, they said it was lame. To which I said to my friend on the phone 'pshhh what? they think it's lame. that's a bummer.' AND THEN THEY EMBRACED THE SHIT OUT OF IT. One of them was all, "I'm the third muskateer." and then they tried to ride in a two tiered shopping cart. One of them looked like Justin Bieber.)

Patrice and Phineas said I should have yelled "YOU'RE SO STUPIDDDDDDD!" but I was so wired and pressed for time and didn't think of it. (bit of an adrenaline rush?)


I really want to have a bunch of the people who are saving my face right now in one place at one time... a lot of us have been mentioning camping lately, but there could be possibility of picking a day in the next month or two and getting an okay from my father to use the cabin in Willsboro for a couple days and taking the ferry over to Burlington, VT and going to the Magic Hat Brewery and having fun! Big slumberous sleepover. Might be good to plan what to bring (including musics) and whatnot, but it would honestly be the best time to thank the best people for helping me out.

Hopefully fixing my laptop today. Walking back home from the library in post-disgust of patriots day, I ran into Shannon Purcell, whom I haven't seen in forever, give him a great big hug - and showed him how I refashioned my broken sunglasses; he noticed that only one earbud of my ipod was working. "Yer fallin' apart girl." was what he said. Told me to relax. I'm trying!


That's it for now, time for some sudafed and a nap.

swoosh

these sneaks were in sneakin' in my head last night.


(crap this is turning into solely what I dream about...)

Freaky Friday

It's really strange to warp back to your birthplace in your dream, replaying memories that had happened before - but 'reliving' them as my present age. I was in LaPorte, Indiana in my dream in the last hour of my slumber, and for some dumbass reason I got tattoos at some (non-existent) shop there on both wrists (both having to do with horoscopes - one arm had what house a certain sign or planet or whatever mumbo jumbo that is [i dont delve that deep] the other had a ridiculous butterfly with virgo in cursive underneath it)
and it could have been brought about by the conversation cora, calder, and i had the other night about free candy on the ground - the fourth of july parades that the town of laporte held (and still presumably holds) when i was little threw candy from firetrucks, police cars, and floats - kind of like the best thing that can happen to you when you're little. These replayed in my dream, only I was older, but still having a blast. Awakening today was really confusing though, I actually felt like I was back in Indiana... and I guess it was a bit of a bumout to find myself back in Mass.

Other than that, real life is really calm right now. As all my buddies that work at Local Burger called after me yesterday when it was time for me to go (the owners father and I have catch up conversations & he'll give me a burg sometimes) "Don't stress out!"

But if I decide to get my own place in the next couple months, well I just may have to stress out so I can EVENTUALLY relax by myself, and have my closest friends over for fun and food all the time. :D

BULLDOZE.

HOROSCOPE THIS WEEK:

VIRGO: THIS WOULD BE A GOOD WEEK FOR YOU TO ASSEMBLE A BIG PILE OF OLD TV'S YOU BOUGHT FOR FIVE DOLLARS APIECE AT A THRIFT STORE AND RUN THEM OVER WITH A BULLDOZER. IT WOULD ALSO BE A FAVORABLE TIME TO START A BLAZING FIRE IN A FIREPLACE AND THROW IN ALL THE OLD PHOTOS OF ALL THE SUPPOSEDLY ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE YOU USED TO BE INFATUATED WITH EVEN THOUGH YOU NOW REALIZE THAT THEY WERE UNWORTHY OF YOUR smart love.
IN OTHER WORDS VIRGO,
IT IS A PERFECT MOMENT TO DESTROY SYMBOLS OF THINGS THAT HAVE DRAINED YOUR ENERGY AND HELD YOU BACK. THERE'S AN EXCELLENT CHANCE THIS WILL PROVIDE A JOLT OF DELIVERANCE THAT WILL PROVIDE FURTHER liberations IN THE COMING WEEKS.

DIDDY WAH

Yesterday, two little three year old kids, Amara and Danny, randomly ran up to me in town when I was sitting on the curb with a friend. The little girl, Amara, was leaning into my shoulder and telling me about what she was going to do later, and then I hid behind a tree and pretended to chase Danny - to which we both ended up roaring like dinosaurs. Going back to Amara, I watched as Danny then hid behind the same tree when some teenage girls were walking by - they noticed him and were giggling, he eventually ran out and roared as they crossed the street. Their parents just watched, laughed, and thanked me for 'watching' them, because they were so heavy in discussion amongst themselves. Two dogs were all about me as well. I got to watch one of them jump through hoops for cheese.

Ghostface Killah-Cat is sitting in my lap right now as I'm typing.

SOME FUN THINGS TO LISTEN TO:





& a little bit o' Björk:

Feelings, wo-oa-oah feelings...

Initiate the dream sequence...

So the night after talking to a 'therapist' (not sure certifiably so, but she talked to me for an evaluation at a clinic) and going to sleep finally for about three hours or less, I dreamt, with one hand, I picked up a huge, cracked Liberty bell, semi-effortlessly carried it (one handed) up some very steep steps (all sides of this four sided architectural whatever the hell it was had steps - just a flat platform at the top) and I put the bell right smack dab in the middle of the platform. Suddenly this celebration seemed to erupt, confetti and shouting - that I didn't pay any attention to, I just slowly began to descend the stairs again. AS I descended however, a blanket of snakes slowly slithered over me - and it didn't disturb me at all, it was almost as if they were protecting me?

Last night, sober night numero dos, after doing hilarious Mad Libs and watching Persepolis with Joe and Alisa, while struggling to get to myself to sleep, I dreamt I moved to some house sequestered away on a hill by itself (in a kind of San Diego climate but located in Pittsburgh) really super hip/modern/swank pad, but right below it down the hill was this very SERIOUS looking building - in my dream I joked that it looked like a giant boombox - only with NO windows, just vents. It was like a scarier version of the White House. We had to avoid it because you could just feel the super secret CIA vibes being emitted from it... and somethin was GOIN' DOWN. Then after only being there for two days, I moved to a completely tropical environment, which I don't recall much about - to then again be transported to a pissy old ladies house that was stuck in the 1920's - and I was rummaging through all of her stuff, which when I woke up, I missed the cool games for the computer where you used to be able to go through rooms (like mystery games) and search for clues through random knacknacks and whatchamacallits. Myst was cool, so was a certain Titanic game I had.

ANYWAYS, what a bunch of gobblety-gook.


I'm going to leave this with quotes from the crazy man in Dunkin Donuts in Hadley yesterday morning, when Jackie and I got coffee before work:
"I'M GOD! WOMEN ARE GREAT. THEY HAVE FEELINGS." (Then starts singing Feelings.)

son of a beesting.

Don't take things so personally.

But honestly, people who treat you differently when you come out with something serious - like they can't be bothered by you / automatically passing judgment and thinking they're going to 'have to take care of you...'

Enough with these declarations of insanity just to use as cop outs; I declared my problem, and all I wanted was to be a mere microcosm of a thought in your brain.

The men with the characteristics I desire most always overthink me because of how I act. Well, I'm hoping I'll tune things up by not drinking anymore, and seriously if guys are going to ignore me until I 'shape up' - it just goes back to being the fat girl in school who no one bothered with until she 'shaped up.' I'm sick of people and their pompous holier than thou attitudes and how I've let them get to me so much - I've let everyone beat me up for the longest time, because I took it personally.


As Kozak told me last night, "Time for you to embrace your inner dick."


Here I am, assholes.

beeeeoooowwwpppp....

A million factors add up to a day of incredible confusion about everything.

Why do I even bother trying to figure anything out?

Welp, I guess I'm shutting down right before the government shuts down.

Planning and Infrastructure.

What I'm currently focusing on lately: really close discussions with individuals.

Phone conversations are not dead, and neither is person to person in public.

Get away from the 'net for a while. It helps clear your head, and fill it with ACTUAL experiences, but... I'll stop there so I don't sound like such a nagglepuss. (I saw a sign on someone's lawn that said 'Pussywillows' the other day. teehee.)

I flabbergasted my co-worker Jackie in our hour long discussion on the way home tonight/sitting in her car idly next to my apartment; she said she wants to help pay for my PhD. Going back will happen... hopefully sooner than later.

Mucho Mango

Yesterday was long, non-stop social:

- Got caught up/coffee with lil miss Jackie, whom apparently is seeing someone who has been on Jeopardy. Sat on my used-to-be favorite stoop and apparently when I was zoning out, Jackie said some guy walking by was dreamily gazing upon me, to which she said, "You two should go to Paris."
- Walking back to my complex, I smelled a BBQ wafting in the air. When I was outside on my deck, I looked down to see a bunch of people from my complex having a cookout. They invited me down, and it was actually a group of individuals from Turkey, and they fed me a wrap of beef, veggies, lamb, and seasonings... and a Magic Hat to wash it down. They were fun to talk to, and apparently do little get togethers on occasion and told me I could join. There's moments when being the awkward white girl is absolutely okay. (And was what happened down in Disney when I'd hang out/work with my international friends.)
- Go to hang out with my lovebirds/loviedovies all the time, Cora and Kozak. Saw their wonderful photos of their set from Dr. Sketchys on Friday, went to Soora for the best spread of Japanese eats in a good while, went back - Cora and I were rocking out on guitar and piano, to which we already have our first song for our new band. Kozak let me borrow a little Casio keyboard which has been difficult to put down.
- Went out to dance not expecting much but was surprisingly good times about an hour in, was having great times with Wayne and Aaron - and a bunch of us hung outside talking and jamming on my keyboard until I went home and craaaashed.

While I was bummed Friday night for having my shift canceled yesterday, I definitely made up for it in good times. All we all ever want is good times.


Alisa has an absolutely remarkable painting/print of a Gustav Klimt painting right behind this laptop and I CAN'T STOP STARING.