A Guide for the Lonely Girl

Tip #1: Tomato soup, Cheez-its, and CPTV are perfectly suitable replacements to an evening that would/could have been poorly spent at a drinking establishment where one would just be reminded of the lack of interesting men in this world... you know, the ones that aren't looking for drunk floozies? wait, all men like drunk floozies? dammit. Tip #2: I'm officially giving into the statement that you can't meet a good man in a bar, so I thought I'd just pass that along. Tip #3: If you're a poor lonely girl, try to not get too inflamed when sitting near a materialistic lonely girl in denial, especially the ones who yap on their phones about all the new clothes they're buying (when you would kill for at least a new pair of pants) or how they're going to drive their car to LA to visit their parents, and then move to New York. You are however, entitled to stealthily give the 'bitch, you crazy' look. just who exactly will be in a better position in the future? you can happily entertain those thoughts in your head. Tip #4: Sleeping and dreams > people, sometimes. they also apparently make you more aware and apt to deal with struggle, and help you repair from the people who make you feel weak. Tip #5: It's perfectly fine to crush on fictional characters from hilarious television shows. envisioning a perfect life with one always helps the spirit. Tip #6: If you're forward with a guy and he is completely lame about it, kick it to the curb immediately. He sucks. and always will suck. no ifs, ands, or booties. this also goes with if a guy can't even CALL you because 'oh gee in this age of social passivity i can get away with just sending a message and that makes everything okay!' no. its not okay. but you know what would make it okay? if they tattooed 'wimp' on their foreheads. then i'd be cool with it. What's a ladies equivalent to the lonely dudes' fern? Until next time..